March 31, 2012

주님 내가 여기있사오니/Lord, I Am Here - Jayesslee

9:41am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZPfF6yIpbRZq
February 8, 2012
Unrequited love

“If I were hungry, I would not tell you,

for the world and its fullness are mine. (Psalm 50:12)

God owns everything. He is the Creator of the universe. From the furthest burning star, to the smallest speck of dust, he created all things and so he owns all things. He is entitled to all things he has created. The world and its fullness belongs to God.

Oh, but the mystery of love. Love stands out above the rest (1 Cor. 13:13). Was love created by God? In a sense, no, because God is love and he is uncreated. But his love was made known to us, the most extravagant and explicit demonstrations of it on the cross of Jesus Christ. Love sets us apart from all other creatures in the world. I think this is proof that we are made in the image of God (Gen. 1:27) - the fact that we have the mental and emotional capabilities to love. Imagine a world without any display of love! How cold and lonely and destructive .. This is a world without God. 

Does God own love? Does God have a monopoly on the dealings of love all around the world today? I think it’s safe to say that all traces of love, whether big or small, is only made possible because of God. Even though people don’t know God personally they are still made in the image of God (although fallen) and so when we give and receive love it’s evidence that God is still our creator. 

However, can love be controlled? Does God, like a puppeteer, sit in heaven controlling love? I mean, he is Love, but does he control it?

It’s hard to give an all-encompassing answer to this question. But for the purposes of the point I’m trying to drive home I’m saying no, God does not “control” love. I think he could, but he chooses not to. The fact that God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, and the fact that the whole world has not responded to such love, brings me to the overwhelming reality that God, who is love, is the greatest victim of unrequited love.

I remember hearing of this concept of unrequited love first in the film, ‘The Holiday’. The movie begins with a woman called Iris Simpkins (Kate Winslet), a writer of a wedding column in a newspaper, who is experiencing the tragedy of un-returned love by a man that works in the same newspaper as her. Tragic irony for a wedding column newspaper writer. But what’s even more tragic is that she’s way more amazing that he is. Like, really.

And so I’m reminded how God is like Kate Winslet and I am like that man who would not return my love to someone who is so much more worthy. Moreover, I’m reminded of how amazing it is that God who truly owns everything would choose not to monopolise love in order that we may see how amazing this God is and thereby give our volitional love to him. You need not force my hand if I am willingly compelled.

And I think this is the bit that get’s exciting: if God owns everything, what can I offer to him? 

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. (Matthew 22:37-38)

Love! I can offer God my unique love. No one can love God the exact same way that I love God. No one! Not one person in the billions of people that have come and gone! In all the vanity of vanities of life I know that this is the one thing that is the most precious to him. It’s the thing that God cares about the most. It’s the command which he calls the great and first. And since he created me and knows me so well, it would benefit me much to pay attention to what he thinks that I should do with my life. 

And so, God, I will dedicate my life to give you that which you desire the most. Your love to me will not be unrequited. 

12:48pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZPfF6yG3mWpd
(Notes: 2)
  
January 4, 2012
Scary

It is scary to think that there is Someone who knows all my insecurities, imperfections and inadequacies, who knows my every past, present and future thought, feeling and action, yet loves me unconditionally all the same.

Who is this God?

“what is man that you are mindful of him,

and the son of man that you care for him?” (Psalm 8:4)

10:34am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZPfF6yEDs_Rf
(Notes: 1)
  
November 5, 2011
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

— Marianne Williamson, ‘Our Deepest Fear’

1:59pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZPfF6yBWRIlt
(Notes: 2)
  
October 22, 2011
In the light of eternity …

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil. (2 Corinthians 5:10)

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. (Matthew 22:36-38)

These days I’ve been waking up in the morning and the first thing that I say to God is, ‘God, you love me. I love you. Let’s do this!’ This might be ridiculous but I realised that I need daily reminders of why I’m waking up every morning. Not because I feel depressed or anything like that, but I need to remind myself of the greater purpose for which I am living. My job description in this life is to know the love of God and to love him in return. And have some fun while doing it :)

I’ve also been picturing myself at the end of the age standing before the man Christ Jesus, the man who is fully God and fully man, the man who bears (and will bear for all of eternity) the scars of his suffering for me, the man who has jealous fire in his eyes - I picture myself standing before the judgment seat of Christ, staring into the eyes of a man who loved me and died for me and gave everything for me, and giving an account of my life.

What am I going to tell this man? This man, who has searched me and known me. This man, who I cannot hide any secrets from.

It’s no wonder the elders fall down and worship. It’s no wonder that every knee shall bow and every tongue will confess.

I want to have the confidence to stand before this man and tell him that I loved him with all that I had. I want to tell him that I dedicated my entire life to loving him as a response to the love that he showed me on the cross. If nothing comes of my life this is the one thing that I want to be able to tell Jesus. 

Jesus: ‘Simon, what did you do with the 80 years that I gave you?’

Me: ‘Jesus, I loved you with all that I had.’

So I guess I’m trying to intentionally live in the light of eternity. I’m trying to live with the fear of the Lord on my life. It is, after all, the beginning of wisdom. I don’t want to be filled with regret on that day when I’m standing before God, surrounded by all the saints of all the ages, the thousands of angels …  

I remember this was always one of the things that drew me to the idea that there must be a God. There must be a Creator. He must have created me with some purpose. If nothing I do on this life is eternal then it’s all meaningless. That’s the way I thought before I became a Christian. I knew that I was created for some eternal purpose. What was the point in living if in the end nothing mattered?

That’s when I found God, or rather I allowed him to find me. He told me what my purpose in life was: it was to love him with everything that I had. And when I was awakened to this reality, and when I daily remind myself that this is the reason why I live, I come alive. I truly was created to love my Creator God! There is so much peace and joy that comes with this revelation, and more peace and joy when I constantly remind myself of it. And everything that I do out of an overflow of that love that I have received from God - all of it - is everlasting, significant, eternal - simply because it matters to the One who inhabits eternity. Every little thing that I do he remembers, and that’s what counts in the end.

I love you, Jesus.

9:59pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZPfF6yAzUuSU
(Notes: 3)
  
June 21, 2011
North Korea Story (Part 2)

One Thursday morning we were told that we were going in - finally. God had shown himself faithful to what he had put in my heart from his heart, and the word that he gave to our team that we were going in. I felt like my faithfulness to the word of the Lord had been tested and tried, and I had never given up hope that we were going to go in. My heart was bursting with so much joy and anticipation and expectation as we left our hotel in Yanji and headed towards the China/NK border.

[3] You shall march around the city, all the men of war going around the city once. Thus shall you do for six days. [4] Seven priests shall bear seven trumpets of rams’ horns before the ark. On the seventh day you shall march around the city seven times, and the priests shall blow the trumpets. [5] And when they make a long blast with the ram’s horn, when you hear the sound of the trumpet, then all the people shall shout with a great shout, and the wall of the city will fall down flat, and the people shall go up, everyone straight before him.”

(Joshua 6:3-5 ESV)

This was a word that our team felt like we got before we had the definite green light to go into North Korea. Our team went to this bridge (below) for 7 days and prayed for North Korea just over the other side, which was shrouded in darkness.

Just like the number of times that the Israelites walked around Jericho (our North Korea) there were seven of us who were going inside North Korea (3 from our team and 4 from the China Y base). And I really felt like North Korea was the Promised Land. This might sound stupid and foolish to many people but where people see a dry and desolate land, I see a land full of milk and honey, and full of the promises of God. Hallelujah!

After we had come out of China customs (and a very confused Chinese customs official looking in bewilderment at how big my study bible was, come on!) we were faced with this bridge and North Korea just on the other side. We found out that we would have to wait for the bus that would come and take us across the bridge. We waited for twenty minutes in the cold and our team was all hyped up to walk across the bridge as a prophetic act that like the Israelites, we would walk into the Promised Land. Someone from our team went to the person guarding the bridge and asked if we could just carry our luggage by hand and walk across the bridge. To our surprise they said yes! So we gathered our luggage and started walking. What was also amazing was that since it was winter the river underneath the bridge was frozen and very dry:

[14] So when the people set out from their tents to pass over the Jordan with the priests bearing the ark of the covenant before the people, [15] and as soon as those bearing the ark had come as far as the Jordan, and the feet of the priests bearing the ark were dipped in the brink of the water (now the Jordan overflows all its banks throughout the time of harvest), [16] the waters coming down from above stood and rose up in a heap very far away, at Adam, the city that is beside Zarethan, and those flowing down toward the Sea of the Arabah, the Salt Sea, were completely cut off. And the people passed over opposite Jericho. [17] Now the priests bearing the ark of the covenant of the LORD stood firmly on dry ground in the midst of the Jordan, and all Israel was passing over on dry ground until all the nation finished passing over the Jordan.

(Joshua 3:14-17 ESV)

Here’s a map of an area showing Rason (top right on the map), which is where we stayed for five days.

There is no way that I can write down here all the things that we did and saw in Rason. The most striking thing is actually how poor the land and people are. As we got on our bus for the first time and began our one-hour journey toward the hotel I looked out the window and saw that the land was very dry and nothing was growing. The North Korean people were walking around in the cold seemingly without any purpose. I saw a bus which was full of North Koreans, so much so that people were pressed up against the window shield. I saw the state of their clothing. I saw the state of their buildings. And the Rason area is meant to be one of the more wealthier areas of North Korea.

Eyes. Every single North Korean person I drove by on that bus (because our contact with people on the streets was very limited), I would stare into their eyes. I wasn’t allowed to take photos of them so I had to make a mental imprint of every single person. I didn’t want to forget them. God created them. God loves them. And I wanted to remember that God remembers. EVERY SINGLE PERSON MATTERS TO GOD! GOD OF HOPE, BRING HOPE! GOD OF JUSTICE, BRING JUSTICE! GOD OF LOVE, BRING LOVE!

This is my amazing friend Philip on the left (above). On the right are the North Korean women who work at the hotel/restaurant. My friend played and sang the song “Just the way you are” by Bruno Mars. Proclaiming truth about their beauty and worth they have in Jesus! GOD OF TRUTH, BRING TRUTH!

We went to a primary school where the kids aged between 5-7 put a performance on us. It was one of the most amazing performances I’ve ever seen. But LIFE was missing from their faces. There was no life in their eyes or their smiles. Children forced to grow up so quickly in an oppressive country. We wanted to play with the kids afterwards but the teacher forced us out saying that it was lunch time for the kids. 

[14] but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”

(Matthew 19:14 ESV)

The most significant thing personally for me happened when I was on the bus and looking outside the window. I was looking at the mountains when I felt God speak to me saying, “Climb this mountain”. North Korea is like a mountain, and there are many mountains that need to be climbed for this country to experience the love of God. I felt like God was confirming that I was going to be part of the reunification and revival of both Koreas, especially North Korea. It just so happened that the very next day we climbed a literal mountain! We were almost at the top of the mountain when the path ended. We had to make a choice whether to go back or make our own path. I was adamant in my spirit that we had to finish climbing the mountain as a personal prophetic act. So we started making our path, as dangerous as it was. 

And this is the glorious view at the top of the mountain. When I got to the top I was filled with so much hope for this country. Even though I knew that it was going to be hard, I knew that through God he was going to glorify himself through this country. And he was going to use foolish people like me to do it!

[20] … For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”

(Matthew 17:20 ESV)

I told this North Korean tour guide that I would see him again. I didn’t know when, but I promised him that I would see him again. 

Oh, and what our whole team felt at the end of the trip was that when North Korea is delivered from their situation the whole world will not be able to deny that Jesus Christ is Lord over all the nations of the world. Lord, I pray, bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of your name among all nations (Rom. 1:5). Amen. 

12:04pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZPfF6y6HyIzU
(Notes: 3)
  
June 21, 2011
North Korea Story (Part 1)

I wanted to share my story with the country of North Korea so far:

God gave me a heart for North Korea one night in early 2010. Out of nowhere my heart really just broke for this country because of the countless indescribable injustices that were going on to the North Korean people. That night I asked God to send me to North Korea. I didn’t know when. I didn’t know how. I didn’t know what I could possibly do. 

Fast forward many months and I found myself in Kona, HI at Community Transformations DTS YWAM deciding which location I should go to for the Outreach Phase of the school. There were 6 locations and before I came to Kona I was pretty set on going to Cape Town, South Africa. I prayed about it and I felt God leading me to China. I was confused because I never had a heart for China, and I never really wanted to go there. But during my DTS I was focused on walking out in obedience in hearing the voice of God so I wrote down China as my first option and just trusted that God had a purpose in me going to China.

During my time in Kona I met a number of seemingly random people who had a heart for North Korea. My friend and I saw an African man wearing a white collared shirt and on the back of the shirt was written “PRAY FOR NORTH KOREA”. After a Thursday night gathering we approached this African man (whose name was Jackson) and asked him what the story was with the shirt. At this point, anyone with a heart for North Korea that wasn’t Korean was a strange concept to me. He told us that one day while he was praying out in the bushland (as per his usual custom) he heard God tell him to start praying for North Korea. When he came out to Kona he wanted to send people the message to be praying for North Korea. He was going to attach a sign to his shirt that said “PRAY FOR NORTH KOREA” but God convicted him and was asking him how much the country of North Korea meant to him. So instead of attaching a sign to his shirt, he got the best shirt that he owned and wrote on it in black permanent marker.

My friend, Daniel Kim (awesome man of God), and I ended up attending a North Korea prayer meeting at Kona one night led by Jackson (above) and it was just amazing to connect with more non-Koreans who had a heart for North Korea. We met one couple who were going to go into North Korea and just give their whole lives for that country. That same night it so happened that International Korea DTS were holding something on in the same place that we were having the prayer meeting. At the end of their gathering they released a whole bunch of colourful balloons into the air, and we in the North Korea prayer meeting started to declare hope over North Korea. As I was watching the balloons be lifted up into the sky I knew that God would bring reunification to North and South Korea.

[11] And the children of Judah and the children of Israel shall be gathered together, and they shall appoint for themselves one head. And they shall go up from the land, for great shall be the day of Jezreel.

(Hosea 1:11 ESV)

God spoke to me through this verse, that the children of South Korea and the children of North Korea were going to be gathered together under the headship and lordship of Jesus Christ. Amen!

A couple of weeks into choosing China as my outreach location, our leaders approached our team and told us that we would have an opportunity to go into North Korea as part of our outreach. This is when God reminded me of the heart that he gave me for this country. I couldn’t believe that God was letting me go inside this country so soon! 

However, it was no easy journey getting inside North Korea. When we arrived in China there was nothing confirmed about our trip into North Korea. A couple of weeks into China we got word from our contact that the North Korean government had stopped giving out visas because they were preparing the country for war. I admit that I felt disheartened because I felt strongly like we were meant to go into the country. Someone in our team (Philip, another awesome man of God) felt like God was testing our hearts, revealing how much we had God’s heart and just purifying our motives and intentions. We kept praying individually, and later we were told that the opportunity had opened up again! Praise the Lord!

Then our team begun the process of asking the Lord who exactly was meant to go into North Korea. We believe that we all had the word of the Lord to go to China as our outreach location, so it was only right to ask the Lord who was meant to go into North Korea. I felt like only a small team was meant to go in from our team of fifteen. Long story short we settled for a team of five (1 Korean-Australian, 2 Korean-Americans, 1 Chinese-American, and 1 white-American; 3 guys and 2 girls). 

Our team moved from Dalian to Dandong to Yanji where we waited for the green light from the North Korean government. Communication was very difficult because it was always via fax. To add to the problems it was Kim Jong Il’s birthday and so the country was pretty much in holiday mode which made business very hard. One day went by without any word, and then another day, and then another. I felt like our faith was being tested, and just waiting to be released into the country was a difficult thing both personally and as a team.

Almost a week went by when we finally got the green light to go in. However, the North Korean government had not allowed the two girls who were non-Korean-Americans to enter, but the three Koreans (including myself) had been allowed to go in. So with bittersweet feelings we prepared to go into North Korea.

I shall share my journey inside North Korea in the next post …

8:53am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZPfF6y6EXznI
(Notes: 2)
  
May 23, 2011
Nothing is a sacrifice

[8] Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ [9] and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—[10] that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, [11] that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

(Philippians 3:8-11 ESV)

God. Oh, God! When I consider you Jesus, and when I count the cost of being your disciple, nothing is a sacrifice. NOTHING IS A SACRIFICE. I look at myself; I look at you. Immediately I surrender everything to get you. Lord, what does it take? Tell me - what does it take to gain you? Jesus Christ, what must I surrender to gain you? You are the Lord of Glory! You are the Saviour of my soul! You are THE way, THE truth, THE life! Everything else is rubbish. EVERYTHING! And I hear you telling me that I must become like you Jesus in your death. You gave everything for me. Your whole life was sacrificed for me. But it wasn’t a sacrifice for you, was it Jesus? It was obedience. You loved the Father SO MUCH that nothing was a sacrifice, for you understood when Samuel said “to obey is better than sacrifice”. Your love for the Father made you say these incredible words: “not as I will, but as you will.” Lord, help me fall deeper in love with you so that I can say these words with confidence: GOD, NOT MY WILL, BUT YOURS BE DONE. Because Jesus you said, “If you love me, you will obey my commandments”. I love you Jesus; help me obey your commands. Seriously, with the seventy, eighty years that I have in this life, teach me to obey you and so glorify you. Because at the end of these short years I will be with you face to face. And I don’t want you to be ashamed of me on that glorious day. Teach me to be obedient unto DEATH. 

[20] I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

(Galatians 2:20 ESV)

Jesus, I live this life by faith in you. You loved me and you gave yourself for me. I won’t add to the spit on your face. I won’t add to the bruises on your body. I won’t add to the stripes on your back. I won’t add to the thorns on your head. I won’t add to the nails in your hands. I NO LONGER LIVE, BUT CHRIST LIVES IN ME! 

7:09pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZPfF6y5NWgom
May 2, 2011
Back to intimacy … again

[14] “Therefore, behold, I will allure her,and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. [15] And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt. (Hosea 2:14-15 ESV)


The Lord was speaking to me this word on the plane ride back to Sydney just over a month ago now. Wow. This is definitely what he has been doing. 

Backtracking … the first day of debrief in Kona was just amazing. Monday morning worship woke up my soul up to the presence of God. It’s funny - I thought I was completely okay during outreach. I was spending time with Jesus, doing ministry with him, etc. but I felt like I had settled for less of his presence in my life during those 3 months in China/NK.

So on the plane ride back God was telling me not to launch into ministries or anything that would keep me preoccupied or busy in any sort of respect. I came back to Sydney with the intention of being allured by God back into the wilderness where he wanted to speak to me tenderly. And I knew that from that place of intimacy God would restore the cry of my youth (specifically the raw emotion that I felt for God just before DTS and during Lecture Phase). 

It’s safe to say that I obeyed and I didn’t get myself busy in anything. I just spent copious amounts of time with Jesus and it has been amazing. That fire I had inside of me that was slightly lost during outreach (not to say that outreach wasn’t amazing, because it was!) has been rekindled and I thank God that I’ve had this time to root and ground my relationship with him in love.

Because this whole thing really is about love. I always forget. The word that God kept pressing on my heart when I got back to Sydney was that we must not replace intimacy for ministry.



  [37] And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. [38] This is the great and first commandment. (Matthew 22:37-38 ESV)

  [28] And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that he answered them well, asked him, “Which commandment is the most important of all?” [29] Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. [30] And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ (Mark 12:28-30 ESV)


Jesus said a lot of things, but this is what he said about the commandment to love God. The commandment to love the Lord your God is (i) the great and first commandment, and (ii) the most important of all. If Jesus said this about this commandment shouldn’t my whole life as a Christian be based around this? I think this is what God is concerned about in the 80 years that I have on earth. Do I love him with absolutely everything? With my heart? With my soul? With my mind? With my strength?

  [38] Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. [39] And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. [40] But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” [41] But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, [42] but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”(Luke 10:38-42 ESV)


I think Mary would be surprised if she entered our churches and saw how many replicas of her sister there were in 2011. I’m not saying that serving is a bad thing; in fact we are commanded to love and serve one another. But that is the SECOND commandment. I must have CONTINUAL revelation of the first if the second is to have any real impact.

God is much more concerned about your relationship with him than he is about the sounds you’re making on the praise team, or the person you’re trying to share the gospel to on the streets, or the church conference that you’re planning. Whatever it may be, I just know that God is so much more concerned about whether you’re loving him with everything that you have. The second will follow naturally. 

So it’s back to intimacy again. And I feel like I had gotten the whole intimacy down. Love God, then love people. Got it. But what I’m realising is that there are deeper levels of being able to love God. After I’m able to love him to my full capacity, when I ask God for more then he gives me a new bigger wineskin and I find that my capacity to love him has increased. It’s seriously the greatest thing in the world. It’s what I was made for. I think that was what Paul was talking about when he said this:


  [14] For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, [15] from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, [16] that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, [17] so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, [18] may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, [19] and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.(Ephesians 3:14-19 ESV)


Yes! Right now I love God with a certain amount of knowledge that I have of him in my inner being. But Paul prays that I may have the spiritual strength to know a type of love that SURPASSES the knowledge that I have right now, meaning there’s always more because I love an infinite God. Only if I keep asking for more can I ever be filled with the FULLNESS of God. 

This gives life to my whole being. This is what I was created for. And this whole loving God business with everything that I have isn’t just a season of my life. Like Jake Hamilton says, there is no such thing as a Martha season. You’re not meant to be in a season of just serving Jesus and not sitting at his feet and listening to him. I never want to be in a place where I’m missing what Jesus called the ONE THING NECESSARY.

Lord, help me love you with all of my heart, my soul, my mind and my strength. And when I’m filled to the brim cause my heart, soul, mind and strength to expand so that I can love you even more. Raise me up to be a person that knows always that it’s about love. In Jesus’ name. 

5:50pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZPfF6y4ndvq7
(Notes: 3)
  
December 27, 2010
Wrapping up the last 3 months …

How do I write words to do justice what God has shown me these last 3 months? An impossible exercise that must be tried nonetheless.

I came to DTS hungry for God. It was only this year when God radically grabbed my heart and didn’t let go. I was already drawn to him before I came here. I didn’t come here to get rid of addictions. I didn’t come to know more about God. I didn’t come here to get away from my problems at home. I was drawn to DTS (divinely timed, I believe) because I was already hungry for more of God and I needed a time and a place where I could be satiated.

I remember the first little bump I experienced as soon as I got here. I wrote my first blog post on it. I realised I was spending more time with Jesus back at home then I was here. I was so busy just getting to know people and becoming more and more disillusioned that I put Jesus in the shadows. Immediately I could feel the emptiness of being disconnected from Jesus. It was a lesson learned quickly, for which I am so grateful. As stupidly as it sounds, I would remember for the next 3 months that Jesus was the reason I was here. I was here to encounter more of God, and if I didn’t then it would be, plainly said, a waste of time. I told myself that if I left this place happy, with new friends, and an amazing experience, it would all be rubbish. All that stuff is bonus. The prize is Jesus, and I am blessed to say that I truly encountered him here.

The teachings here were amazing. I met speakers who were actually living out what they were saying. That’s why there was so much more conviction in my heart. I was only able to put this into words recently. Before Jesus ascended to heaven he told his disciples that he had been given all authority from the FBVather. I think the reason why he had that authority was because he walked it out. What is the “it”? The mission that the Father asked the Son to do. You can only speak to someone about a thing with authority once you’ve actually walked out what you’re speaking about.

Anyway, I want to summarise the main thing I got from each teacher, which is basically the first thing that pops into my mind.

1. Jeff Reid, Lindy, Mick, and Jeremy: Intimacy is the most important thing for a Christian.

2. Don Stephens: The glory of God is everywhere.

3. Trey and Trent Sheppard: Jesus was actually a human; change the world.

4. Andy Byrd: Revival is already here.

5. Brian Brennt: The prophetic is real, and it’s encouraging.

6. The Takoma team: Original design spoken over me.

7. Maureen Menard: The Holy Spirit is with me everywhere I go, and I live by the Spirit. Jesus brought me into the fellowship of God.

8. Joe Portale: Pioneering is about listening to the voice of God and obeying. Oh, and it’s exciting!

9. Joy Dawson (50th week celebration): The greatest goal is to be conformed to Jesus’ image.

10. Eddie Brown, Geshom Ssikaala, Brian Brennt, and John Gillespie Snr: There is freedom in Christ; healing isn’t complicated; ask God for a broken spirit; and Jesus is the main thing.

11. Jake Hamilton: There’s no way I’m expressing this into words.

12. Dan Baumann: Rarely are you sure 100% of what God is telling you. But I would rather obey what I think God is telling me than do nothing at all.

Nah, this doesn’t do it justice. But it doesn’t really matter. Like I said, I have to live out everything that I’ve learned here or else it becomes rubbish.

    [22] But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. [23] For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. [24] For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. [25] But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.
(James 1:22-25 ESV)

That’s a huge thing that I got from Jake Hamilton. I need to shake myself out of apathy and put into action these things. Even writing this stuff makes me cringe because I haven’t had an opportunity to really live it out. It’s why great men of God write books later on in life when they actually have something to say, because they’ve lived it out.

Phew.

Last week I brought a 17 year-old Hawaiian guy to the Lord with my friend Nate. It was amazing. God was already working his heart clearly even before we started talking with him. After we prayed with him he said that he felt a joy and peace. We went back to our room to get a bible for him, where we wrote out emails in the front and told him to contact us if he had any questions or anything.

I’m starting to believe that everyone wants God. Everyone is designed to be in relationship with him. Some people know it, but other’s just don’t know it yet. I think a lot of people think they gave God “a try” and it didn’t work out so they moved on. I think that such people never really encountered the real Jesus, because if they really knew I don’t know how they could go back to living life without him. I know that I can’t.

God, thank you for showing me so many amazing things in these last 3 months. You have shown yourself good and faithful again, and I’m not surprised, just filled with joy instead. Continue to draw near to me; let’s just hang out more and more. At the same time I know you’ll reveal the things that are on your heart, just like a friend would. I love you Jesus. We’re going to have an amazing time bringing the love of God to the Chinese and the North Koreans. Bless my family and friends back at home. I love them and I know you love them even more. That’s how amazing you are. Bless you Jesus!

9:19am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZPfF6y2JT9QQ
(Notes: 2)
  
Liked posts on Tumblr: More liked posts »